tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54269011886197912812024-03-12T17:30:24.922-07:00reallypopularpress.co.nzBecause if it's popular it must be true.Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-58936948484907829362010-05-17T22:18:00.000-07:002010-05-17T23:08:06.891-07:00I find I'm not enjoying Rugby anymoreI have been accused of being a rugby fan. I never really thought of myself as a fan. Sure I have season tickets and go to a number of other games but many people do. Does that make one a fan? However, I realised I probably was a fan when I decided to go on tour. I went on, and thoroughly emjoyed, the 2007 Rugby World Cup. I even sat through - shh - the Cardiff game and still went on to watch the semis and the final at the wonderful Stade de France. I guess maybe I am a fan.<br /><br />Unfortunately I am really not enjoying the rugby much anymore. Perhaps it's always a bit hard when your teams aren't playing well but I think it's more than that.<br /><br />I've never wanted to be one of those people that go on about how things were better in the old days, because they weren't. My memories of the old days is that they were boring and uneventful, apart from regular boozing (which really doesn't appeal so much anymore). No, I'm not one to lament the passing of the old days, except that I can't help but think rugby used to be more enjoyable in the old days.<br /><br />I don't think it's a case of rugby necessarily being worse than the old days. But quality of play does not have to translate to quality of the spectator experience. Although I will allow one side indulgence at this point - the scrums! The modern scrum is awful! It has been ruined. We may as well give up and make the scrum a ridiculous formality as in League (which is otherwise a top spectator game). Anyway, back to the main point.<br /><br />It's possible that professional rugby players have just got too good, especially on defence. It doesn't seem to me that anyone wins rugby anymore, they just don't lose. Rugby seems to me to have become like an election - don't make any mistakes and you shouldn't lose. But that makes for a poor spectator experience if you ask me (which admittedly you probably didn't). I remember teams winning games. I remember supporting teams and leaving the game win or lose reasonably satisfied. Often the difference between teams was that both teams played reasonably well and it was a close game (perhaps a little too often being sorted out by penalties admittedly) or one team playing well and another playing an inspired game. I didn't even mind my team losing in this case; the rugby was exhilirating.<br /><br />But now it just doesn't seem the same. Now both teams play stifling, choking defence and the one that makes the most mistakes loses. I just can't quite find the game as motivating.<br /><br />Perhaps the problem is that I am watching the games live. At least on TV there always seems to be some action. If you're at the game you can see everyone holding off from the tight stuff, seagulling around leaving no gaps. The modern tight five probably don't play a lot more in the tight than the backs nowadays; but boy can they run! And the backs now have to be big so that they can play in the tight when they have too; but boy can they run! It's all getting more and more back to front.<br /><br />Now, as I like to think I'm a constructive chap here are some ideas to make rugby more of a spectacle again (ironically as this was the reason most of the new rules were brought in).<br /><br />1. Bring back the old scrums - I know we don't want injuries but it doesn't have to be one rule for everybody. Keep the new rules for junior grades and maybe even club rugby; and maybe even for the Air New Zealand cup. But, if you're going to play for New Zealand or a Super 14 (15?) team then you have got to handle old school.<br /><br />2. Get rid of all these new ruck and maul rules. I know that it allowed a lot of interfering of the ball, which was annoying sometimes, but defeating that was a skill. At least it meant that the tight five (and more often than not the loosies) had to get into the heavy stuff which left a bit more room for the backs. Maybe we could even see the skillful speed of a Terry Wright again (he would be too small for the modern game).<br /><br />3. Chill out a bit and get the video ref out of it and tone down the citing commissioner a bit. I know that there were a few injustices but there still are. The really bad rough stuff should be sorted out but a bit of niggle has always been part of the game. A flowing game is always a better game. Referees have destroyed games by being too officious. The great Clive Norling is the sort of referee we want. The best referee isn't the one that catches everything, he's the one that lets the game flow but plays it exactly the same for both teams.<br /><br />4. Maybe less rugby. Quantity isn't a substitute for quality. There are too many games and too many teams. No wonder the number of fizzers has increased. It is physically impossible for any human to be as hungry as they need to be for every game in a season.<br /><br />5. Make the players compete. When a player attains a position in a team then they need to want to keep it. Even a great All Black has told me that you always played and you always played your best. If you lost your position just once you might never get it again. And this idea of utility players is overstated, specialist players play a position best. Utility players make great subs but they should never start a game.<br /><br />Anyway a few ideas and most probably quite wrong, but I still like the old games more than the new ones. And I actually find that a bit upsetting.Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-14576121381809086402010-04-13T20:17:00.000-07:002010-04-14T22:58:10.157-07:00A question of pride?I have been prompted on two occasions to write a piece on pride with a wide time gap between each. The question that I find myself posing after both 'events' is, if actions speak louder than words, do New Zealanders feel any pride for their country, or even their regions? The words say "yes" the actions seem to say "not really, perhaps if it doesn't cost too much, or if it doesn't interfere with my day off".<br /><br />The first event that triggered this question occurred because I completely accidentally managed to schedule myself a long weekend in Sydney that also happened to be Australia Day. What a shock! If you have no doubt that New Zealander's have pride in their nation then go to Australia on Australia Day, any reasonable person would then doubt the sincerity of our actions. Does New Zealand even have a national day? I assume Waitangi Day is it but on this day some people apologise effusively and most people sneak off to the beach.<br /><br />Now going to the beach is a very New Zealand thing to do but what differentiates going to the beach on New Zealand Day (whatever that is) from any other day? Masses flag waving amid music and beach theatre so infectious that all the tourists start waving the New Zealand flag? Because that's what happens in the land of Aus. Heck, back in my accidental Aussie Day I had to restrain my hand to prevent it from accepting an Australian flag to wave because it did look like fun - to take pride in an event that celebrated a nation's identity. I mean give me a break, I had never experienced that before!<br /><br />Are we even allowed to smile on Waitangi Day? I'm not sure.<br /><br />The second event was at a Blues game. The fact that it was a Blues game wasn't important, it could have been the Chiefs (I can say for sure) or even an All Black's game (although, to be fair, every now and then they do pep up the All Black pre-game a bit). The example was the Blues' 'cheerleaders'. Now I am not casting aspersions on the young ladies or their choreographers. They are talented and lovely dancers, but that is the point. They are dancers. They are not cheerleaders. Now I know New Zealand crowds are hard to warm up. If we can't smile on New Zealand Day (whenever that is) then smiling at the rugby is probably frowned upon as well, but come on. Are we proud of our teams, towns, cities, regions and country or aren't we? We say we are but our actions seem to say something else. Where is the pomp, the excitement, the cheer?<br /><br />And, while we're at it, what is the story with Queen's wharf? The whole thing sounds like a Monty Python sketch. "International visitors please filter through the visitor's terminal." "You mean the sheds?" "No, no, the VISITORS TERMINALS. Look the sign says visitor's terminal." "But if you come for the World Cup you'll get a very nice TENT." What does this say about the pride of the city. The same city that celebrates its day with everyone parking on the Great Southern (or Northern) Carpark trying to get out!<br /><br />No, I don't think New Zealanders are proud. It's all a bit showoffy I suppose. Never mind, we can all sneak off to 'Straya and celebrate 'Straya Day if we need a pick me up. The flag's close enough. A bit of red felt tip would fix it.Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-6744028171905073762010-03-29T21:43:00.000-07:002010-03-29T22:01:13.259-07:00Right Here, Right Now - Rugby World Cup song geniusWell, the announcement has been made and apparently already every twit... er sorry twitter, is denouncing the choice. Not to mention widespread disgust online.<br /><br />Now, it is often hard to work out what this means. Kiwis love denouncing things and pulling down tall poppies so all this activity could mean New Zealanders are really happy with the choice. After all most so called 'grass rooters' seem to like being unhappy.<br /><br />And it seems to me that people should be pleased. Picking the RWC song was extremely tricky. After all it had to meet two very stringent but almost mutually exclusive criteria. First, it had to be a relatively good song and very catchy. Second, it couldn't be anyone's (or at least many people's) favourite song.<br /><br />Why couldn't it be a widespread favourite you might ask? Well, because it could well end up forever being associated with losing the Rugby World Cup... again! Having an all-time classic song, like AC/DC's "Back in Black" lumbered with this association would be more than I could bear on top of losing the World Cup.<br /><br />And I'm not trying to be mean spirited to the All Blacks. The World Cup is very, very hard to win. Any team can have one bad game at any time; and lose one game from the quarter finals on and you're out! I know this! I was in Cardiff three years ago.<br /><br />"Right here, right now" is a great song choice. It's fun. It's catchy. We won't mind hearing it for the duration of the tournament; and, if we do happen to lose, well then never hearing it again will be a shame. But, I can live with it, or rather without it.Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-52249444118455759272010-03-17T21:44:00.000-07:002010-03-17T22:08:37.585-07:00Greenies need more exerciseI have a theory. Admittedly it's probably not a very good theory but I like it. It struck me while undergoing my regular gym torture. I was nearing the end of a workout and starting to look forward to the best part of exercise - stopping!<br /><br />I was feeling particularly sorry for myself on this occasion and I couldn't help but think that people are a strange design. All we really want is a nice comfortable, pleasant life and yet living healthy (which for most people is about living long) we have to suffer so much. And there it is. The Catholics were right - man was born to suffer. Not suffer in the context of not wanting to live (that would be extremely counter-productive) but living is a double edged sword. A wonderful experience for the most part but full of backlash; and sometimes the backlash can cut deep.<br /><br />Here is the point, physiologically we are designed to be permanently fighting for our lives and for scraps of food. Before civilisation this made us naturally healthy (in a fitness sense) and therefore we are not designed to be comfortable (well not all the time at any rate). Therefore, we are left with a sense of not being quite right - not quite at one with the world - and so we translate this into guilt.<br /><br />Oh, and what a guilt it is. Unconstrained guilt makes us so worried about all kinds of things. For most people this seems to translate to a reasonably healthy respect for our environment and desire to not treat it too badly. But for some the guilt is so consuming that they must spend their whole lives in state of denial and self-flagellation. The problem is, though, because this doesn't make them feel any better they then believe the problem is everyone else isn't trying to do things we actually can't control and chastising themselves for it.<br /><br />Now, I don't have this problem. Somewhere along the line someone managed to convince me that I would die instantly if I didn't exercise hard, this proved to be motivation enough and so I do. The common wisdom is exercise gets easier as you get fitter. This shows the true value of common wisdom. It is b-grade ollux. I've been saving my life for four or five years now and it isn't getting any easier. It's always hard and it always hurts. It is awful; but, as a result I don't feel guilty. I've paid my price.<br /><br />So here's the solution. Let's get all the Greenies exercising properly. Hard exercise I mean. The kind of exercise that makes you wonder if living longer is actually worth it; not just nipping down to the hemp shop on the bike. Just a thought.Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-17351411026245068372010-03-15T21:48:00.000-07:002010-03-15T22:03:07.720-07:00New turbo powerIt has often been joked that the hot air coming from the beehive could supply the energy needs of the country. But perhaps the reality is closer than we think. After all, there is more force available than just the hot air. There is the political spin, the about faces and the entire perpetual motion of bureaucracy.<br /><br />And let's face it the beehive looks like a giant steam turbine tipped on its side. It would be a massive engineering exercise, but it could be done. Jack the beehive up, get it on some bearings and connect it to the national grid. Then get all the pollies to coordinate their efforts... damn; and it seemed like such a good idea. Of course it won't work. The politicians couldn't work together if you tied them all together and dangled a microphone in front of them.<br /><br />Talk about your atmospheric warming - hot air, spin, about faces, backstabbing scrummages (I think this is called parliament in session) all expending huge amounts of energy achieving nothing of much value. It's like having a giant concrete mixer and only ever getting slurry.Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-19066535858287052882010-03-01T17:06:00.000-08:002010-03-01T17:35:20.528-08:00Does anyone really want democracy?It is with a heavy heart that I come to the realisation that no-one (well very few people) really want democracy. Oh, there are very many people fighting for it, in name at least. Unfortunately, most of the time I see democracy defended it is simply an emotive defence for someone who doesn't want something that is being forced on them. Fair enough, as far as it goes. Except then it seems that what is really irking such people is that there is someone else that really should have something forced upon them.<br /><br />This then is modern democracy - don't tell me what to do but for goodness sake tell everyone I don't like what they must do. And, I am desperately afraid that the telling others what to do is more of a priority than the not being told what to do oneself. It seems to me that there is an opporunity for the genius despot to come in and order everyone about.<br /><br />Of course such a despot can't be a nutjob, nobody (well very few people) want the kind of despotism where people go 'missing' and everyone lives in fear. However, as long as everyone is prevented from enjoying themselves and everyone must behave 'seriously' then I think that the very large majority of people would grudgingly accept the new despot.<br /><br />This isn't as easy as it sounds. It can't be a set of blanket rules. Each preventative regime (and there would have to be many) would have to be very carefully tailored. If anyone thought that someone else didn't mind being told what to do then it would unravel very quickly. No, every person would need to be able to look at every other person and be able to smugly think to themselves "Hah, serves them right".<br /><br />This would be stable. What's a little misery when anyone you could possibly not like is also miserable? For most people (and let's be honest, especially elderly people) this is nirvana (the state not the band). Of course very young children would find this somewhat illogical but what do they know? Young children would find parliamentary debates silly so that shows what they know. They would soon be matured to understand the societal benefits of enforced averageness.<br /><br />Of course there might be one person who was still happy. The despot might actually quite enjoy telling everyone what to do, but then this is a small price to pay. One might say this is just reward for delivering so much and widespread smugisfaction.Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-59451491060749034892010-02-04T14:49:00.000-08:002010-02-04T15:17:18.354-08:00Are National Education Standards really such a good thing?Well, there really is quite a lot of brouhaha over the issue of national educations standards; but maybe we shouldn't be so wedded to education standards. After all most modern educationalists suggest that things shift. Grammar and spelling evolves, and all that. This does seem to be true. Invent txt and twitter (BTW, is a user of twitter a twit, or a twitterer, or both?) and a new, more efficient grammar appears quite quickly. Sure a large proportion of the population can't understand a word (or efficient concatenation thereof) the twits/twitterers/tweets/tweeterers? tap but this tends to be isolated to the portion on the population that might be described as 'older'. And, let's face it this problem gets sorted out in time.<br /><br />I'm not sure that the case is much stronger in other education disciplines. The premise that 2 + 2 = 5 seems to work very well in politics, advertising, journalism, economics, accounting (the financial reporting standard ones not the good ones), sales, climate science and a number of other jobs. Fluid history is also very useful in these disciplines. Of course a number of jobs are a bit difficult without 'firmer' mathematics, science, language and history but most of these jobs aren't cool so it doesn't really matter.<br /><br />New Zealand is firmly dedicated to inalienable rights (and the prevention of the alienation of inalienable rights - which seems pointless but never mind), creating an infinite set of definitions for fairness, being inconclusively inclusive, the power of moderate politics (providing that it doesn't pick winners or losers - or indeed anything in particular) and obstructive regulation (providing that it deosn't alienate things that can't be alienated). Education standards matter to these things not a jot, therefore why bother?<br /><br />No, as long as milk keeps coming in cartons, China is willing to put stuff in big red sheds, and fancy electronics grow on trees (like Apples) then... she'll be right!Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-31473839385596246312010-01-06T14:41:00.000-08:002010-01-06T14:48:42.898-08:00The sport of politicsWhen it comes to easy sports there is little easier sport than politics.<br /><br />A world class tennis player has to dedicate her life from an early age to training and fitness. She has to give up a lot of her childhood and maintain a passion that must be strained more often than not.<br /><br />By comparison those that want notoriety the easy way just have to turn up and make a racket (not racquet because that would be useful). It seems strange that all the evils of the world can be laid squarely at the feet of one young woman (she was obviously busier than I realised).<br /><br />The protestors at the ASB tennis classic claim lofty ideals of fighting for freedom and justice. To me, though, they just seem to be interfering with young ladies.Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-86261826520075319392010-01-04T14:51:00.000-08:002010-01-04T15:02:33.770-08:00What about the efficiency argument?So now they're making cell phones for five year olds. Cutesy phones with restricted functionality and GPS tracking. Of course this sparks the traditional could we or should we debate among child development 'professionals' but what about the efficiency argument?<br /><br />At least a child will be able to use their phone; and all of its features. Somewhat more efficient than letting someone have them who was born before 1965; but there is an efficiency leverage here. Not only will the littlies be able to operate their own phone but they will also be able to help Granny with hers. Truth be told some of them will even be able to help out poor old Dad.Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-4985207357818919812009-12-09T20:24:00.000-08:002009-12-09T20:30:56.112-08:00Minister of IoPwrT Public StatementThe Minister of the Integral of Power with respect to Time (in the mythical land of Noozild)today made this statement about his IoPwrT reforms.<br /><br />"I cannot guarantee that IoPwrT prices will come down. But I can guarantee (some time in the future - perhaps about election time) that when my officials are instructed to assess my reforms. Then they will conclusively prove that, compared to what they will assess that would have happened without my reforms, the reforms will have been a great success."Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-9307088044451276852009-12-07T14:14:00.000-08:002009-12-07T14:16:32.013-08:00The difference between good law and bad law explainedPublic: Is the anti-smacking legislation a bad law?<br /><br />John Key: No. It isn't a bad law because we're ignoring it.Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-10865908500169014802009-12-01T22:52:00.000-08:002009-12-01T22:55:39.604-08:00Closing the income gap with Australia: Rule 1 brokenNote to John Key<br /><br /><a href="http://www.nzherald.co.nz/politics/news/article.cfm?c_id=280&objectid=10613038&ref=rss">http://www.nzherald.co.nz/politics/news/article.cfm?c_id=280&objectid=10613038&ref=rss</a><br />Headline: Australian ETS bill rejected<br /><br />Rule 1: Don't volunteer for massive costs on your economy before Australia does.Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-35684116242724378192009-11-30T22:15:00.000-08:002009-11-30T23:22:38.420-08:00The Tale of Godzilla versus Crusher CollinsOnce upon a time there was a monster. A very powerful monster called Godzilla. There were other monsters that were prettier than Godzilla, and some even more powerful, but Godzilla was amongst the fastest and was relatively easy to make friends with.<br /><br />Godzilla's only problem was that he lacked motivation. Left to himself he was happy just to sit there. To sit there so still, in fact, that he could be mistaken for a monument. But, that is where Little Timmy came in. Little Timmy had made friends with Godzilla. Little Timmy didn't lack in motivation. He liked going fast. He liked egging on Godzilla. He would ride on the monster egging him on to go faster and faster. But it wasn't just the speed he liked. He liked getting Godzilla to roar. He particularly liked it when the girls noticed Godzilla roaring with Little Timmy on his shoulder.<br /><br />He would excite Godzilla to roar; and to breathe fire. With Little Timmy on his shoulder then Godzilla would roar and breathe fire. He would roar at old people for laughs. He would roar and breathe fire up and down the streets late at night waking all the little babies. And he would go very, very fast.<br /><br />Little Timmy knew he was being bad but what did it really matter, he thought, only a little bit of fun. Those old people just don't want me to have fun. Godzilla didn't really think about it at all. Not really his thing, thinking; nor any of that moral or legal stuff. Godzilla just left all that to Little Timmy.<br /><br />One day Little Timmy was out roaring around on Godzilla when something caught his eye. Little Timmy immediately pulled up Godzilla but deep down inside he knew he was in trouble. Sure enough the Automaton (a henchman of Crusher Collins) was gunning straight for them. He jolted Godzilla and the mighty monster was off. At first he seemd to be on the escape - the Automaton was falling behind; but then suddenly there was another in front. And another to the side, and another to the other side. Things were getting hopeless. Little Timmy considered, briefly, unleashing the full power of Godzilla on one of the Automatons but Little Timmy didn't really have the stomach for that kind of evil. And so he stopped.<br /><br />The Automatons hemmed Godzilla in and pulled Little Timmy from his shoulder and stood him to the side. Then came along Crusher Collins. Crusher Collins was a very big monster. A slow, lumbering giant; and behind Crusher Collins came the townfolk and they were very angry. They were angry at Godzilla but they were absolutely livid at Little Timmy. Little Timmy got a bit worried. Crusher Collins was supposed to be a very sensible, even a little intelligent, giant but really Crusher Collins was little different from Godzilla. Most of the time Crusher Collins just sat there doing nothing. It was only when the townfolk got angry that the giant would move. But now the crowd was angry and they were angry at Little Timmy.<br /><br />The rage of the mob fuelled Crusher Collins and its internal boiler pressure was getting higher and higher. Little Timmy was pretty sure he was safe from Crusher Collins but at the moment he wasn't too sure. Then Crusher Collins exploded into action and Little Timmy jumped, but he need not have worried. All of Crusher Collin's power was focused on Godzilla. The fabulous monster had just been sitting there. He didn't have any malice. He took the punishment as Crusher mashed and bashed. And dashed and crashed. And pushed and crushed. When Crusher Collins had finished Godzilla was gone. Bashed completely out of recognition - just so much monster bits.<br /><br />Then Crusher Collins turned towards Little Timmy but Timmy was no longer worried. Crusher Collins raised its crushing arm to smite Little Timmy but, as the hammer was falling, it came up against the Spell of Peacey Bullshoot. Crusher Collins was stopped dead.<br /><br />Crusher Collins took some friendship out of Little Timmy's friendship pocket and told him to go and stand on the naughty spot to think about what he'd done. Then Crusher Collins lumbered off to do... not much really.<br /><br />The townspeople still weren't very happy but their worst anger had been sated. So they shook their heads and left as well.<br /><br />A tear ran down Little Timmy's face. He had really liked Godzilla and he had been a fine monster, one of the finest.<br /><br />As Little Timmy turned away he consoled himself. There were more monsters out there. There were even monsters more easy to make friends with than Godzilla. Little Timmy would have difficulty making monster friends again, but not for too long. He could get an Empressta Monster, for instance. Easy to make friends with and lots of fun.<br /><br />A smile formed on Little Timmy's face. He would know the power again. He would feel the speed. He would, again, capture the attention of the girls. And he would make his Empressta Monster roar. Even louder, with even more fire. He would have to be more careful of the Automatons, perhaps even get an Automaton Detection Spell, but he would have his revenge on the townfolk for ruining his fun. He would have even more fun!<br /><br />And the moral of the story: a Crusher Collins will never overcome Little Timmy.Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-45886453050853625572009-11-23T14:04:00.000-08:002009-11-23T14:37:05.635-08:00The public service could wipe out public debtI have recently had two opportunities to test the service part of the public service. In the same year I have had to both replace my passport and my driver's licence.<br /><br />The passport was particularly stressful (not, I should point out, because of the public service - in fact they were my saviours). I had managed to secure airfares and a commitment to go to Australia just to realise that the flights were, of course, the day after my passport expires. Now, in my defence, I had used that passport for ten years and it had never expired before.<br /><br />To my relief, and after double the normal fee and some desperate, pleading phone calls, I had my new passport in my hands in less than three days after couriering the application. I was impressed. The service was excellent... but the quality, that's a different story.<br /><br />Never mind that this new passport has twice the likelihood of expiring in ten years as the old one there was a bigger problem. I sent the passport service the passport of a fresh faced, virile young man of trim build and great hair. They sent to me the passport of cynical, portly, careworn middle aged man with a degree of follicle challenge. This is not what I had hoped for. I rationed away my disappointment on the basis that I had, after all, rushed them.<br /><br />My driver's licence, though, was a chance to redeem. But, it happened again. Oh no! It was then that the cynical part of me woke up and realised that it was a price/quality trade-off and here is the opportunity. The public service could make a fortune (and wipe out public debt) by offering a price premium on more flattering photo IDs over the ones that tell the 'truth'.<br /><br />Now I'm not suggesting blatant dishonesty. Part of me realises the 'truth' but if young polite young ladies can tell me that I look... ok (hey, I can survive on euphemistic platitudes) then why not our sworn officials. A little white lie will do. Just the kind of little white lie that a politician might portray on their pledge card (which proves the public service knows how to do this).<br /><br />I was worried about the American angle. After all the Americans won't let anyone in unless their passport shows someone as dour and unhappy as... well a terrorist. I can only assume that a terrorist desperately trying to not look like a terrorist looks abnormally happy and unthreatening and is immediately caught - but I digress. I then realised that this can still work. I just want to look younger, fitter and less follicly challenged. A distant, menacing sneer might be quite a good look. A James Dean - Marlon Brando sort of thing. So, it probably can work in America too.<br /><br />Here you go then passport service and driver's licence service. Start offering photo IDs where people are thinner, their skin smoother, the hair bouffier, a slight softness and a cool, offhand smirk. I think you'd be surprised how much we would pay.Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-27751172065564557782009-11-19T19:58:00.000-08:002009-11-19T20:00:50.117-08:00Evaporative cooling anyone?It's often said that pouring cold water on other people's ideas is a bad thing. And I do agree - most of the time.<br /><br />On the other hand cold water sounds pretty good when you're being roasted by too much hot air.Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-69404615840129016682009-11-18T16:50:00.000-08:002009-11-18T16:52:59.423-08:00Political translation?John Key has just warned farmers that they need the ETS. Now politicians can be a little obtuse so let me see if I can translate.<br /><br />Any time that popular opinion overtakes common sense you have to accept that it might make a difference to consumption preferences.<br /><br />No, still obtuse.Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-4180861798090261172009-11-15T12:15:00.000-08:002009-11-15T12:47:53.343-08:00Winning the World CupNew Zealand now has a shot at two World Cups. Well to be honest it doesn't have a shot at two World Cups but we will be at two World Cups. Strangely enough the approach to both Cup competitions is completely opposite.<br /><br />In the football (soccer) we have played well to make it to the finals that we have little chance of winning but will feel great optimism even if we lose every game but one.<br /><br />In the football (rugby) we have played mediocre (for us) to make it to the finals that we have great chance of winning but will feel great pessimism even if we win every game but one.<br /><br />Funny blokes - Kiwis.<br /><br />The All Blacks have just beaten Italy for the second time this season but have set (for the second time in a row) the lowest winning score against the passionate Italians. The All Blacks often don't seem to show the dominance that is expected of them but is this that surprising? It is inevitable that other countries will get better and better and better. It must be tough when every rugby country in the world sets their standards by how to beat the All Blacks. Perhaps next year the Springboks will find the going a lot tougher as well.<br /><br />But I have a plan and it will work just as well for the football (soccer) as it will for the football (rugby). England has found that, after inventing pretty much every football in the world, then far more hot blooded and passionate people get a lot better at the game than the English. New Zealand may not have invented rugby but maybe we are falling into the same problem.<br /><br />The solution is straightforward. We already have ties to South America. Many South American students come here to study. Let's strengthen these ties further. We can entice even more South American youth and adopt spanish as our (one, two, three...) fourth official language. Then we will import the hot blooded passion and obsession in both the players and the supporters. We will be able to combine the sheer raw talent of the newcomers with that rugby nouse and tradition that we still hold. What a combination!<br /><br />In all honesty though they will have to bring most of the soccer nouse and tradition with them; but they can.<br /><br />And the support will be all the stronger too. Rather than a stolid "Allll..... Blaaaacks..." we will have the drums and the dancing and the cheering and the partying and the sheer enjoyment of being in the game. And let's face it most South Americans look pretty darn good in a swimsuit, no mean peripheral benefit there.<br /><br />And, here's the coup de grace, the killer shot. We will bring on to the coaching team both Graham Purvis and Diego Maradonna. Then, in both World Cups, when it really matters, we will win - by the hand of god!Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-58458840377077839182009-11-11T14:08:00.000-08:002009-11-11T14:11:45.854-08:00No kidding?The advertising for 2012 the movie about an apocalyptic end to the world carries the disclaimer - content may be upsetting.<br /><br />Really? The concept that the whole world will be destroyed, every living thing killed, the sum total of humanity and humanisn completely obliterated, and all our loved ones gone might be upsetting.<br /><br />Man, that is stiff upper lip.Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-27310111258665565962009-11-11T14:06:00.000-08:002009-11-11T14:07:43.119-08:00I'm sorryJust in case I do anything wrong (well unpopular anyway).<br /><br />I'm sorry.<br /><br />There, all better.Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-86569150885658499502009-11-05T20:32:00.000-08:002009-11-05T20:36:55.395-08:00Time to give Rodney a breakOk, so Rodney Hide has 'perked' up a bit lately. He's just another living example of the male dilemma. Men are capable of great applied intelligence and common sense; in inverse proportion to their interest in a young lovely.Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-19571766999643759362009-11-05T14:04:00.001-08:002009-11-05T14:06:45.446-08:00More good wisdomIf a woman buys new shoes, but none of her friends are there to see them, is it really shopping?Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-8177519035725878392009-11-04T11:25:00.000-08:002009-11-04T11:29:53.174-08:00The good wisdomI recently saw someone proudly displaying the folkey wisdom "a barrel is only as strong as its collars." So, I thought, this looks easy. Let's try -<br /><br /><strong>A pig stands on four feet</strong><br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>The wind blows on all the grass</strong><br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>A sandwich always needs bread</strong><br /><br />This wisdom stuff is easy. Any more?Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-18689726178994928392009-11-02T11:03:00.000-08:002009-11-02T11:06:19.613-08:00New poll* shows New Zealand divided!A new poll* shows that New Zealand is divided by the Cook Strait.<br /><br /><br />*poll may actually have been a mapHeaditorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-7108211276779678412009-10-30T21:29:00.000-07:002009-10-30T21:35:33.688-07:00False StartANON of 30 October you are quite right. They have tried a start on the ACC competitive event of the marathon paper shuffle. Unfortunately there was a false start and they got called back.<br /><br />The penalty was to cut a leg off of half the competitors. I believe some are still running a three-legged race.Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426901188619791281.post-87367602204020240742009-10-28T20:33:00.000-07:002009-10-28T20:34:49.760-07:00Dissatisfied?Is it just me or does anyone else find customer satisfaction surveys (as a customer) quite unsatisfying?Headitorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04859605644816962490noreply@blogger.com0